Why do we become so obsessed with the negative situations in our life to the point that we ignore all the positives? I think we need to learn that we can stay positive and focused on the better things without letting the negative go unresolved.
I feel like sometimes in life a situation can become so consuming that it is always on our minds like a hamster on a wheel. But that hamster is going nowhere and using all its energy on a circumstance that it cannot fix just by fixating on it. I want to train my attitude and thoughts to be focused on all the good things, even if they are the smallest part of my day, and learn that I can still find a solution to the obstacle without letting it define my life.
I have been completely obsessing over a boulder that I cannot move myself. It was like I had my legs and arms wrapped around it with my nails digging it because it was NOT FAIR that this was in my way. I used all my energy focusing on how I did not deserve this and etc etc...Guess what? Draining myself and becoming a person I didn't even like being did not do shit except hurt me more. Life is 10% what happens to you (the boulder) and 90% how you respond to it (take yo'self off that damn rock and back off...focus on all the million great things you have and learn that eventually things will fall into place, especially since your attitude will be right).
If I had been focusing all on the things that make me happy I would BE happy. I had to learn that just because something isn't the way I want it does not mean it is going to go away when I want it too. I can be positive and focused on other things and still supervise the removal of the bullshit.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Change needs Routine?
Change needs routine. It sounds contradictory, but in order to make a necessary change you have to make it a habit. In order to make something a habit you have to do it 21-28 days consecutively (thats actually a fact FYI).
I have mentioned how I am sick of feeling trapped in the same cycle of things, and I need to make a change. And while talking to a friend about this, she compared her situation to mine. I have no constant distractions from my present situation, and she has too many. I do basically the same things every day, and she isn't even always in the same country every week! But we realized neither of us are making our change routine. I keep doing the "same shit different day" routine, and she keeps doing the "I have no routine" routine.
We haven't made our change a habit.
Change is scary, even if it is a change you desire, because it shifts our routine up. Humans are made to adapt as we are creatures of habit, so when we fall into a bad place, parts of us adapt to the circumstances, and that is what makes it difficult to change back.
I also think we are creatures of the "slow fade". I rarely see someone slowly fade into a good thing. It can happen, but I wouldn't call it the majority. The majority of us slow faders gently glide into less than desirable situations and then one day wake up and get the "omg how did I get here" moment. We want to immediately jump back into the before, but we can't. It is like a slide. We easily slide down, but once we realize we are at the bottom and don't like it, we can't just slide back up. We have to climb.
Climbing is going to mean we need to make that change, or continue sitting at the bottom. Make change routine. Make it a habit. If doing positive things that are good for me was a normal part of my routine (like it was before), I would be just peachy.
If I am going to be a creature of habit, I want my habits to be excellent ones.
I have mentioned how I am sick of feeling trapped in the same cycle of things, and I need to make a change. And while talking to a friend about this, she compared her situation to mine. I have no constant distractions from my present situation, and she has too many. I do basically the same things every day, and she isn't even always in the same country every week! But we realized neither of us are making our change routine. I keep doing the "same shit different day" routine, and she keeps doing the "I have no routine" routine.
We haven't made our change a habit.
Change is scary, even if it is a change you desire, because it shifts our routine up. Humans are made to adapt as we are creatures of habit, so when we fall into a bad place, parts of us adapt to the circumstances, and that is what makes it difficult to change back.
I also think we are creatures of the "slow fade". I rarely see someone slowly fade into a good thing. It can happen, but I wouldn't call it the majority. The majority of us slow faders gently glide into less than desirable situations and then one day wake up and get the "omg how did I get here" moment. We want to immediately jump back into the before, but we can't. It is like a slide. We easily slide down, but once we realize we are at the bottom and don't like it, we can't just slide back up. We have to climb.
Climbing is going to mean we need to make that change, or continue sitting at the bottom. Make change routine. Make it a habit. If doing positive things that are good for me was a normal part of my routine (like it was before), I would be just peachy.
If I am going to be a creature of habit, I want my habits to be excellent ones.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
This is going to be a good life...
I am afraid of failing. Failing at being a good mother, a good partner (one day), and mostly I'm scared of failing at reaching my potential. Sometimes I get nervous that because I am so afraid of failing I won't know what my potential is, and therefore never reach it. Paralyzed by fear. What if I become comfortable being uncomfortable?
I have to admit I have been feeling slightly numb and trapped lately. Like when you first place a hamster in a cage and it goes crazy trying to figure out where he is and how he can get out of it. But after a while, he stops trying. He still doesn't like it in there, but he has convinced himself that he cannot find an exit so he might as well just give up. He accepts his current situation defeated.
My situation and how I have been affected by it has left me not recognizing myself by my own damn self. Makes no sense. My lack of motivation towards the things I need to do or love to do baffles me. If I know I want to do something, and I know it will make me feel better if I do it, then why don't I?!
Why don't we do the things that are good for us?
I have noticed that taking time for myself during the day to be fully devoted to something that I need to do for me (gym, studying for my CSCS, any sort of pampering) makes me feel guilty. I do not know why this is. I feel like I need a reason to do something for my own personal benefit, even though I also understand that doing these things will ultimately benefit my family, my children. But knowing that doesn't change how I feel about it for some reason. If it was someone's birthday or wedding then I feel justified since I am doing this for THEM. It's a strange cycle of ignoring myself.
Once again, why don't I do the things that are good for me?
This is where my strong feeling of "omg am I going to fail?" comes in. I see myself in this pattern of feeling trapped and defeated and then neglecting myself in certain areas that would reverse this feeling. In order to be a good mother, partner, and one day have a great career, I have to change the way I think and ultimately feel (you can know something but not feel the same way about it and let me tell you, 9 times out of 10, the way you feel wins. Well, at least with me).
Maybe its hard to "snap out of it" since I am stuck in a house most of my week with no outside influence except Target and the grocery store. I understand how women get depressed after having babies. Its the best time, but can be very isolating.
I need to snap out of it. I don't want to be a woulda coulda shoulda. I do not want to fail.
I have to admit I have been feeling slightly numb and trapped lately. Like when you first place a hamster in a cage and it goes crazy trying to figure out where he is and how he can get out of it. But after a while, he stops trying. He still doesn't like it in there, but he has convinced himself that he cannot find an exit so he might as well just give up. He accepts his current situation defeated.
My situation and how I have been affected by it has left me not recognizing myself by my own damn self. Makes no sense. My lack of motivation towards the things I need to do or love to do baffles me. If I know I want to do something, and I know it will make me feel better if I do it, then why don't I?!
Why don't we do the things that are good for us?
I have noticed that taking time for myself during the day to be fully devoted to something that I need to do for me (gym, studying for my CSCS, any sort of pampering) makes me feel guilty. I do not know why this is. I feel like I need a reason to do something for my own personal benefit, even though I also understand that doing these things will ultimately benefit my family, my children. But knowing that doesn't change how I feel about it for some reason. If it was someone's birthday or wedding then I feel justified since I am doing this for THEM. It's a strange cycle of ignoring myself.
Once again, why don't I do the things that are good for me?
This is where my strong feeling of "omg am I going to fail?" comes in. I see myself in this pattern of feeling trapped and defeated and then neglecting myself in certain areas that would reverse this feeling. In order to be a good mother, partner, and one day have a great career, I have to change the way I think and ultimately feel (you can know something but not feel the same way about it and let me tell you, 9 times out of 10, the way you feel wins. Well, at least with me).
Maybe its hard to "snap out of it" since I am stuck in a house most of my week with no outside influence except Target and the grocery store. I understand how women get depressed after having babies. Its the best time, but can be very isolating.
I need to snap out of it. I don't want to be a woulda coulda shoulda. I do not want to fail.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
3 strikes yur' out
I find that the problem with making mistakes these days is that we can permanently stain ourselves. From a spiritual standpoint, we cannot because we are taught that we are always forgiven and our mistake is thrown into a sea of forgetfulness. Jesus is not necessarily who we need to be worried about when it comes to making choices that can change the way people think about us forever, it's ourselves.
Whatever religion you choose to believe, that entity seems to have the eternal capability to rise above our situation and love us anyways. Being Christian, I know that when I truly ask for forgiveness He gives it to me 70x7 and never brings it up again. Humans do not have this. There are books and seminars and sermons and therapy groups trying to teach us how to forgive and forget. Even when we say we forgave and forgot, if that same person wronged us again, we would immediately feel that "I told you so" feeling. I think humans are more reluctant to forgive and forget because we are of a sinning nature and that means we are often repeat offenders. What we said we forgot we suddenly remember when we get burned twice.
I was talking to my aunt about young girls posting videos and pictures that make them look like hookers. And in my families true fashion, she immediately goes into "how that makes Jesus feel..." blah blah blah... When that young girl realizes that she was making a mistake and asks Jesus about it, He is going to forgive her and forget it happened. But everyone at her high-school is not. Everyone little punky kid who masturbated to it is not. If you put out garbage your going to get flies. If you go so far out of your way to be looked at as a sex symbol it is going to be very hard to wash that off in this world, even if you've never had sex. You can be a hooker with a hymen, don't get that twisted. Plus, the internet seems to be forever these days. You can delete what you posted, but can't delete the memory of those who saw it, or worse, downloaded it. When you decide you want to be thought of as a nice girl, everyone will forgive you...but probably will never forget that you were twerkin it like a Russian prostitute.
We all make mistakes, and that is never going to change, but trying to alter the way we think about each other is always the hardest part when we try to bounce back from it. The things I have done will leave people who have never even met me with an instant impression that I might never even have the opportunity to change. Choices we make brand us, and it does totally suck.
As I am still figuring out who I am and where I want to be, hopefully I have learned from my past mistakes and will gradually make less of them. It took Einstein like a million failed lightbulbs until he got it right. Once I get myself right, I hope any bad-choice impressions I left laying around in peoples memories will fade. I know only Jesus truly forgets, but I can strive to cloud some memories up along the way :)
Whatever religion you choose to believe, that entity seems to have the eternal capability to rise above our situation and love us anyways. Being Christian, I know that when I truly ask for forgiveness He gives it to me 70x7 and never brings it up again. Humans do not have this. There are books and seminars and sermons and therapy groups trying to teach us how to forgive and forget. Even when we say we forgave and forgot, if that same person wronged us again, we would immediately feel that "I told you so" feeling. I think humans are more reluctant to forgive and forget because we are of a sinning nature and that means we are often repeat offenders. What we said we forgot we suddenly remember when we get burned twice.
I was talking to my aunt about young girls posting videos and pictures that make them look like hookers. And in my families true fashion, she immediately goes into "how that makes Jesus feel..." blah blah blah... When that young girl realizes that she was making a mistake and asks Jesus about it, He is going to forgive her and forget it happened. But everyone at her high-school is not. Everyone little punky kid who masturbated to it is not. If you put out garbage your going to get flies. If you go so far out of your way to be looked at as a sex symbol it is going to be very hard to wash that off in this world, even if you've never had sex. You can be a hooker with a hymen, don't get that twisted. Plus, the internet seems to be forever these days. You can delete what you posted, but can't delete the memory of those who saw it, or worse, downloaded it. When you decide you want to be thought of as a nice girl, everyone will forgive you...but probably will never forget that you were twerkin it like a Russian prostitute.
We all make mistakes, and that is never going to change, but trying to alter the way we think about each other is always the hardest part when we try to bounce back from it. The things I have done will leave people who have never even met me with an instant impression that I might never even have the opportunity to change. Choices we make brand us, and it does totally suck.
As I am still figuring out who I am and where I want to be, hopefully I have learned from my past mistakes and will gradually make less of them. It took Einstein like a million failed lightbulbs until he got it right. Once I get myself right, I hope any bad-choice impressions I left laying around in peoples memories will fade. I know only Jesus truly forgets, but I can strive to cloud some memories up along the way :)
Friday, March 25, 2011
It dissolved like an Alka Seltzer...
My relationship is over. I gave it one more shot out of desperately wanting my children to have the family life they deserve, but life (as usual) has other plans. It went much like an Alka Seltzer tablet, slowly dissolving back into nothing.
Relationships are like clothes. People cannot come in "one size fits all". What fits her might look like shit on me. Some are more comfortable, some are too tight, some itch etc etc. So many people are sucking in trying to zip up that dress when everyone around them KNOWS it isn't going to work out. My relationship was kinda like when you see a cute dress on the hanger and its just so adorable that you have to try it on (aka college). Once you get it on, you start to realize it looked better on the hanger, but by that time its too late and your already pregnant. Then the dress starts falling apart because it wasn't made (raised) well and by then end of that damn dressing room session you are SO glad that stupid thing finally just ripped at the seams on its own because you are exhausted and ready to get the hell out of that store! The next time I ever go "shopping" I am going to be extremely picky stay away from the clothes in the window display (aka athletes).
Another thing I don't understand is the excuse "I guess I just wasn't ready for this". When you do something where you know full well what the consequences will be, like having an orgasm while still inside a vagina for example, and it sprouts legs and acquires a pulse, you have to own it. We have got to own our decisions.
If you were driving and the speed limit went from 55 down to 35, but you didn't slow down, you know there is a chance you will be pulled over. And when the cop asks you why you were still going 55, I dare you to answer him that you guess you "just weren't ready" to go 35, because going 55 is more fun.
No one is the world is ready to do half the shit we get thrown our way. I wasn't ready at 6 years old for my mother to die, and that wasn't even my fault. I'm going to go make a string of bad choices, and when I get sentenced to jail I'm just going to have to let the judge know that I knew what the consequences would be but since I'm only 25 and "not ready" to go to jail, I'm just going to dip out on a vacation for a little until I decide that I'm ready to face the music. Grow. The. Fuck. UP.
"I wasn't ready" is what little kids say when your playing a game and they lose. It is an appropriate excuse for being a loser when your 8. Not 25.
No, you were ready my friend, its just that you are not capable of the task. You in your most ready state still sucks at the game.
Relationships are like clothes. People cannot come in "one size fits all". What fits her might look like shit on me. Some are more comfortable, some are too tight, some itch etc etc. So many people are sucking in trying to zip up that dress when everyone around them KNOWS it isn't going to work out. My relationship was kinda like when you see a cute dress on the hanger and its just so adorable that you have to try it on (aka college). Once you get it on, you start to realize it looked better on the hanger, but by that time its too late and your already pregnant. Then the dress starts falling apart because it wasn't made (raised) well and by then end of that damn dressing room session you are SO glad that stupid thing finally just ripped at the seams on its own because you are exhausted and ready to get the hell out of that store! The next time I ever go "shopping" I am going to be extremely picky stay away from the clothes in the window display (aka athletes).
Another thing I don't understand is the excuse "I guess I just wasn't ready for this". When you do something where you know full well what the consequences will be, like having an orgasm while still inside a vagina for example, and it sprouts legs and acquires a pulse, you have to own it. We have got to own our decisions.
If you were driving and the speed limit went from 55 down to 35, but you didn't slow down, you know there is a chance you will be pulled over. And when the cop asks you why you were still going 55, I dare you to answer him that you guess you "just weren't ready" to go 35, because going 55 is more fun.
No one is the world is ready to do half the shit we get thrown our way. I wasn't ready at 6 years old for my mother to die, and that wasn't even my fault. I'm going to go make a string of bad choices, and when I get sentenced to jail I'm just going to have to let the judge know that I knew what the consequences would be but since I'm only 25 and "not ready" to go to jail, I'm just going to dip out on a vacation for a little until I decide that I'm ready to face the music. Grow. The. Fuck. UP.
"I wasn't ready" is what little kids say when your playing a game and they lose. It is an appropriate excuse for being a loser when your 8. Not 25.
No, you were ready my friend, its just that you are not capable of the task. You in your most ready state still sucks at the game.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Stupid Baby Stuff
Many of my friends are having babies these days so I thought I would share some insight with you about it:
For starters, I hate highchairs. They get friggin disgusting after each time the kids eat! Ugh! Its gross. But at the same time I like that I can lock them in there, throw some snacks at em', and turn cartoons on to catch 10 minutes to think about what to feed them. But I mostly hate them because they are nasty.
I hate buckling kids into their carseats. I'm not sure why I find it so annoying, I guess it just gets redundant. Not to mention it leaves dents in my leather seats. You will love the day that your toddler sits in one of those booster seat things and uses the regular seatbelt, so start counting down the days to that.
Every mother needs a diaper genie! I have one upstairs and downstairs. They are worth their weight in gold.
If you own a wipe warmer and actually use it, go jump off a bridge. This device is a prime example of what is wrong with society. Babies are born in mud huts made of cow dung in other countries and they are happier and healthier then our children. We are over here ignoring our kids, but making sure we wipe their asses with warm wipes to keep them comfortable. Your baby wouldn't remember even if you wiped them with sandpaper. When your wipe warmer catches on fire and burns down your house Im sure your baby's ass will be realllllly comfortable then while your sleeping at the homeless shelter.
*but you still need the diaper genie. The mud hut cow dung kid does not need one because his house already smells like diapers so its pointless.
When your kid starts moving I urge you to get one of the Play Yard gate things. They bend anyway you want them too and you can buy more and connect them. My entire dining room is now a play room thanks to linking 2 of these things together. We call it the "Chicken Coop". Children should be crate trained and this gate makes it happen. :)
Dont microwave sanitize everything. OMG after my 1st baby I microwaved sanitized almost every time I made a bottle! Kids need to come in contact with dirt and germs to build their immune system anyways, and Im not sure how healthy microwaving plastic bottles over and over can be. The dishwasher does it juuuuust fine.
You will cry tears of joy the day your child holds their own bottle. Tears. Of. Joy. You can make it, hand it to them, and walk away.
OMG the volunteer fire department just sounded their alarm and my Lukey Boy is FLIPPING OUT!! Suck it up Luke! Your a half black man that is in the 95% for your height and weight! You can't be bawling over a siren.
In the end, babies need to be loved, wanted, and needed, fed, burped and changed. This is really all you need to know :)
For starters, I hate highchairs. They get friggin disgusting after each time the kids eat! Ugh! Its gross. But at the same time I like that I can lock them in there, throw some snacks at em', and turn cartoons on to catch 10 minutes to think about what to feed them. But I mostly hate them because they are nasty.
I hate buckling kids into their carseats. I'm not sure why I find it so annoying, I guess it just gets redundant. Not to mention it leaves dents in my leather seats. You will love the day that your toddler sits in one of those booster seat things and uses the regular seatbelt, so start counting down the days to that.
Every mother needs a diaper genie! I have one upstairs and downstairs. They are worth their weight in gold.
If you own a wipe warmer and actually use it, go jump off a bridge. This device is a prime example of what is wrong with society. Babies are born in mud huts made of cow dung in other countries and they are happier and healthier then our children. We are over here ignoring our kids, but making sure we wipe their asses with warm wipes to keep them comfortable. Your baby wouldn't remember even if you wiped them with sandpaper. When your wipe warmer catches on fire and burns down your house Im sure your baby's ass will be realllllly comfortable then while your sleeping at the homeless shelter.
*but you still need the diaper genie. The mud hut cow dung kid does not need one because his house already smells like diapers so its pointless.
When your kid starts moving I urge you to get one of the Play Yard gate things. They bend anyway you want them too and you can buy more and connect them. My entire dining room is now a play room thanks to linking 2 of these things together. We call it the "Chicken Coop". Children should be crate trained and this gate makes it happen. :)
Dont microwave sanitize everything. OMG after my 1st baby I microwaved sanitized almost every time I made a bottle! Kids need to come in contact with dirt and germs to build their immune system anyways, and Im not sure how healthy microwaving plastic bottles over and over can be. The dishwasher does it juuuuust fine.
You will cry tears of joy the day your child holds their own bottle. Tears. Of. Joy. You can make it, hand it to them, and walk away.
OMG the volunteer fire department just sounded their alarm and my Lukey Boy is FLIPPING OUT!! Suck it up Luke! Your a half black man that is in the 95% for your height and weight! You can't be bawling over a siren.
In the end, babies need to be loved, wanted, and needed, fed, burped and changed. This is really all you need to know :)
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Did you REALLY just say that out loud?
Some people are delusional. Have you ever had a conversation with a lunatic like this and as their talking, contradicting themselves and making no sense, your thinking "How the heck do I respond to this with out my IQ dropping 50 points?". I start to get angry because perspective is reality, and their reality is not reality, which is why their perspective is so insane. Either that or because their perspective is that of a sewer rat their reality is insane. It goes either way I guess. But when someone truly believes their contradictory view on a situation, you can't reason with them. You cannot make sense of the senseless. It is extremely frustrating and I get all flustered because I don't know what to say, or if I do say something brilliant and they STILL don't understand it makes me even more frustrated. I feel like I'm trying to order sushi in english to someone who only speaks chinese and is blind. I just have to remind myself that this person makes no sense, and that I care about what they think as much as I care if my shit sinks or floats.
Without people like these psychologists would be out of a job! Not because these screwed up individuals are going to them...oh no way! That would mean they are aware that they are moronic. The one who fills the dr's pockets is the person dealing with the nut-job: me. The name of my blog is so true to my situation. There is so many times I find myself looking around thinking "Is this real life?? Did you REALLY just say/do that?!". In the end, as I try to distance myself from individuals like these more and more, I pity those who are next in line to deal with the totally nonsensical reality that these people live in. Tread carefully. These crazies don't wear the label on their sleeve. They are not the homeless man with the cart under the overpass. They lurk among us and it usually isn't until you attempt to have a serious conversation or address something crazy that they did that you will be completely dumbfounded by the defensive, unintelligent, contradictory conversation that follows.
Without people like these psychologists would be out of a job! Not because these screwed up individuals are going to them...oh no way! That would mean they are aware that they are moronic. The one who fills the dr's pockets is the person dealing with the nut-job: me. The name of my blog is so true to my situation. There is so many times I find myself looking around thinking "Is this real life?? Did you REALLY just say/do that?!". In the end, as I try to distance myself from individuals like these more and more, I pity those who are next in line to deal with the totally nonsensical reality that these people live in. Tread carefully. These crazies don't wear the label on their sleeve. They are not the homeless man with the cart under the overpass. They lurk among us and it usually isn't until you attempt to have a serious conversation or address something crazy that they did that you will be completely dumbfounded by the defensive, unintelligent, contradictory conversation that follows.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
What a constipated day..
Ugh. It was just one of those days. Maybe it was the weather. It was dark and rained allll day. I don't seem to ever remember feeling amazing or productive on a day when the weather has been depressing. I should start paying attention to the forecasts so I can forecast my own emotional state. I did, however, un-constipate my daughter with my bare hand and some petroleum jelly, so that was interesting. I feel like that should be a question to have to answer on eHarmony: are you willing to un-constipate someone you love with your bare hands? If you think about it, it is quite a display of how much you love someone and of who you are. It is selfless and you find yourself doing it purely to relive the recipient of the pain they are in, which means you have empathy. You gain nothing from it except a shitty hand and the satisfaction of helping your loved one. If you would rather see someone in pain than lend a helping hand, your not the one for me.
Someone who isn't constipated today is my toddler son, who should be 150% potty trained by now, but he likes to take a nice fat crap in his pants for me when he gets home from preschool. It always tends to happen after dinner when I am busy cleaning up and forget to ask him 2 seconds if he has to go. He becomes very preoccupied doing something that usually has me yelling from the kitchen "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ARE YOU BEING NICE?!" and when I go to see wtf he is doing, it smells like failure in whatever room he was in. Pure failure. Doesn't he know I can't leave him in the play area and go waste an hour at IKEA if he isn't potty trained?! He needs to get his head on straight if he wants his toys and clothes organized in cheap bins on cheap shelves in cheap furniture.
I think the bottom line is that raising three kids (and a dog) alone is hard. And some days (like today) really suck and make me feel almost like a "Im doomed" feeling. But all days are not created equal, and what I would be missing of their little lives if I was off doing anything else wouldn't be worth it anyways. Mama just needs a hot shower and a cold cocktail, which is the exact cure for a shitty constipated day.
Someone who isn't constipated today is my toddler son, who should be 150% potty trained by now, but he likes to take a nice fat crap in his pants for me when he gets home from preschool. It always tends to happen after dinner when I am busy cleaning up and forget to ask him 2 seconds if he has to go. He becomes very preoccupied doing something that usually has me yelling from the kitchen "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ARE YOU BEING NICE?!" and when I go to see wtf he is doing, it smells like failure in whatever room he was in. Pure failure. Doesn't he know I can't leave him in the play area and go waste an hour at IKEA if he isn't potty trained?! He needs to get his head on straight if he wants his toys and clothes organized in cheap bins on cheap shelves in cheap furniture.
I think the bottom line is that raising three kids (and a dog) alone is hard. And some days (like today) really suck and make me feel almost like a "Im doomed" feeling. But all days are not created equal, and what I would be missing of their little lives if I was off doing anything else wouldn't be worth it anyways. Mama just needs a hot shower and a cold cocktail, which is the exact cure for a shitty constipated day.
Monday, March 7, 2011
My First Time
Ok. I decided to write in a blog. I'm a little nervous about it, but what the heck. I'm nervous that I will be boring, or make people mad, but most of all I am nervous about being completely honest and exposed. I am going to do it anyways because writing is venting and venting is good (well most of the time) and I have no one to talk to for 95% of each day. Anyone who has children and stays at home with them knows the sting of isolation. You are home with 5 million things to do, but nothing is interesting or mentally stimulating. So you are bored with nothing to do, even though you are very busy with 5 million things to do. Makes no sense except to those that live it. So, I guess we shall see how this goes.... :)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)