Stupid Baby Stuff

Many of my friends are having babies these days so I thought I would share some insight with you about it:

For starters, I hate highchairs. They get friggin disgusting after each time the kids eat! Ugh! Its gross. But at the same time I like that I can lock them in there, throw some snacks at em', and turn cartoons on to catch 10 minutes to think about what to feed them. But I mostly hate them because they are nasty.

I hate buckling kids into their carseats. I'm not sure why I find it so annoying, I guess it just gets redundant. Not to mention it leaves dents in my leather seats. You will love the day that your toddler sits in one of those booster seat things and uses the regular seatbelt, so start counting down the days to that.

Every mother needs a diaper genie! I have one upstairs and downstairs. They are worth their weight in gold.

If you own a wipe warmer and actually use it, go jump off a bridge. This device is a prime example of what is wrong with society. Babies are born in mud huts made of cow dung in other countries and they are happier and healthier then our children. We are over here ignoring our kids, but making sure we wipe their asses with warm wipes to keep them comfortable. Your baby wouldn't remember even if you wiped them with sandpaper. When your wipe warmer catches on fire and burns down your house Im sure your baby's ass will be realllllly comfortable then while your sleeping at the homeless shelter.
*but you still need the diaper genie. The mud hut cow dung kid does not need one because his house already smells like diapers so its pointless.

When your kid starts moving I urge you to get one of the Play Yard gate things. They bend anyway you want them too and you can buy more and connect them. My entire dining room is now a  play room thanks to linking 2 of these things together. We call it the "Chicken Coop". Children should be crate trained and this gate makes it happen. :)

Dont microwave sanitize everything. OMG after my 1st baby I microwaved sanitized almost every time I made a bottle! Kids need to come in contact with dirt and germs to build their immune system anyways, and Im not sure how healthy microwaving plastic bottles over and over can be. The dishwasher does it juuuuust fine.

You will cry tears of joy the day your child holds their own bottle. Tears. Of. Joy. You can make it, hand it to them, and walk away.

OMG the volunteer fire department just sounded their alarm and my Lukey Boy is FLIPPING OUT!! Suck it up Luke! Your a half black man that is in the 95% for your height and weight! You can't be bawling over a siren.

In the end, babies need to be loved, wanted, and needed, fed, burped and changed. This is really all you need to know :)