Im not sure what to call this one. I haven't blogged in a while. Since September I turned 26, went to the FSU-OU game and met someone wonderful, watched my brother get married (and DJ'd it thankyouverymuch), had the worst wisdom tooth extraction that led to 3 root canals in the the adjacent tooth and also included a piece of bone birthing its self out of my gum, found a house signed a lease and moved, and then dealt with the annual curse we like to call "The Holidays".
But now I guess I'm back ;)
I keep thinking about the way we argue with people. In any type of relationship you will come across some sort of conflict. There are different levels depending on many factors, but the one constant in all of them is how we make them go away. How do we deal with dissolving the issue and clearing the air between each other? The best of friends or spouses or even just business partners are those who can communicate well. I have met people in business that have almost nothing in common out side of the workplace, but they are thriving because they "work well together". This can't mean they never run into a problem. They must be able to communicate well and change their perspectives by keeping an open mind.
I think it is important to be able to see things from the other angle. I like who I am and the way I think, but I would be ignorant to assume that sometimes there isn't a better way of doing or thinking about something. Occasionally my viewpoint is going to be the fresh perspective that the other person needed and other times it's not. Not being able to communicate through issues in a relationship where one or both parties are not willing to adjust their perspective is like dropping rocks in to a glass of water. That issue is not going to go away. When you look back at past relationships where the communication during a negative situation was unhealthy, your cup is just full of rocks that eventually ended the whole thing. I feel like I hear people say "Oh, there was these few big issues that we fought about constantly and then it just became every little thing.". Little rocks don't dissolve any easier than big ones do. Things don't just "go away".
But being able to listen and hear each other and change our perspective is like dropping alka-seltzer into the glass: it dissolves. The issues will never stop coming because we are not perfect, but what does it matter if we know we can handle it? I can look back and my water is clear with that person. Everything was able to dissipate between us and the connection remained healthy.
I want to learn how to dissolve my issues throughout my life and learn what I can about myself while I do it. I am interested to hear how other people think about something, even if its something I've done. I think about the experiments they do in psychology where they show many different people the same picture and ask them to describe what is going on. Almost everyones answers are completely different, or the same idea worded differently. There are so many ways to look at the same thing, and I am open to hearing about all of them.
So there is some rhyme and reason as to why we were physically created with two eyes, two ears, two nostrils, and one mouth. It is the expectation that we take in more than we put out. With that being said your question as to how you can learn to dissolve issues seems simple, if you let your ears, eyes, and nose do more work than your mouth during conflicts.
ReplyDeleteI view conflicts and issues as opportunities for growth, and who does not want to grow? No really you need to ask yourself who or what part of this issue or conflict is trying to grow. Most of us enjoy complaining, and I said this because how often have you complained about an issue or kept a conflict going with not one active plan or developed solution to end the misery. For this very reason it is important for you to ask yourself "Am I about confusion or a solution?"
When conflicts or issues arise it is important to respect the serenity of it all ( what is or is not in YOUR control). It's important to know your responsibility in the conversation. Listen with clarity, hear unbiased, see a human being who like you makes mistakes, inhalers air (after all you are lucky to be alive). Be slow to take offense, and slow to speak. Learn to speak "with"someone rather than speak "at" someone.
Last but not least treat people how you want to be treated. If someone is going to judge you let them judge you by the content of your character!!! (m.l.k)
Life is knowledge and wisdom; we only gain perspective through trial and error. So when it comes to issues or conflicts the question at hand is "What are you going to do about it?"